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View Poll Results: Do you drink alcohol/use drugs?
Nope-never have 11 12.22%
Nope-in recovery from one or both 14 15.56%
Yes-all day, everyday! 40 44.44%
**** off 25 27.78%
Voters: 90. You may not vote on this poll

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Old 03-23-2021, 10:38 AM   #226
samb
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Congratulations, that's fantastic.

7 months in and I've noticed the smell of booze is really strong again. Almost like when I was a kid.

Carbonated water worked for me to take the edge off. At the rate I would drink them I get pretty gassy though my wife doesn't appreciate it.

I am so much more productive these days and it's also great to be able to run an errand in the middle of a party. Not bad on the wallet either, alcohol is expensive!

I am also much more leveled out emotionally. Major mood swings are gone and I have significantly reduced awkward/embarrassing interactions with my family as well.

Feels good.
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Old 03-23-2021, 11:30 AM   #227
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Wraith View Post
Thanks for sharing, that's a crazy path to here but hopefully here gets you to the healing path.

I have been struggling with neuropathy and pain/numbness in my feet, then I read the second leading cause of it is alcoholism . I think that really scared me into stopping. I've been good for about a week and a half now, I keep on truckin...
I have alcoholic neuropathy in both feet. It doesn't, but more alcohol will make it worse.

You might want to look into ankle stabilization exercises. As you age, you do not want increased fall risk. It's also somethng you can do for 5 minutes every day that is contributing to you future self's happiness. Better that future tripping on the bad **** in your head.
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Old 03-24-2021, 10:20 AM   #228
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...it's also great to be able to run an errand in the middle of a party.
There's that My wife also appreciates never needing to worry about driving home from dinner out or parties after she's had a couple of drinks.
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Old 04-09-2021, 04:00 PM   #229
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I have alcoholic neuropathy in both feet. It doesn't, but more alcohol will make it worse.

You might want to look into ankle stabilization exercises. As you age, you do not want increased fall risk. It's also somethng you can do for 5 minutes every day that is contributing to you future self's happiness. Better that future tripping on the bad **** in your head.
Samsies. I get all the fun at night when I'm trying to go to sleep. I don't sleep much.

You guys are kicking ass in a time where where people are now starting to realize maybe it's been too much lately. It's rough for sure but I did get to celebrate three years on the 28th. I'm here if anyone needs to talk. I'm not taking on new clients but I always have time for OT.

(NOT at Dr. Just a recovery coach)
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Old 04-09-2021, 05:52 PM   #230
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Congratulations on 3 years!
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Old 04-26-2021, 06:02 PM   #231
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Yesterday was a big day for me, celebrated 5 years of continuous sobriety! I hope everyone else here is doing well. I am amazed by how much my life has changed for the better over the past years and just think about how much I fought that giving up alcohol would ruin my life...thankfully I couldn't have been more wrong! Look forward to hearing more success stories from all of you.
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Old 04-29-2021, 06:55 PM   #232
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Yesterday was a big day for me, celebrated 5 years of continuous sobriety! I hope everyone else here is doing well. I am amazed by how much my life has changed for the better over the past years and just think about how much I fought that giving up alcohol would ruin my life...thankfully I couldn't have been more wrong! Look forward to hearing more success stories from all of you.
MATE!!!!!
That's ****ing awesome.
**** yes...I needed to see this today. Good on ya man. Hell yes.
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Old 04-29-2021, 11:07 PM   #233
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8 months since my last drink. Took a weekend trip to San Francisco with my wife a few weeks ago. We saw and did so much. I don't think I ever would have been able to do that before, I'd have been too concerned with getting beers or whatever. Made memories and didn't blast them away with booze either.
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Old 05-01-2021, 07:21 PM   #234
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Great job on 8 months, and even better to go make some great memories. One of the best parts of being sober is instead of ruining all the fun you actually can be present and remember all the good times!
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Old 05-02-2021, 11:00 AM   #235
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My GF gets worried that I will drink from life stress. Every time she starts on that, I run the tape in my head and get actually nauseated. Sometimes, I start to salivate, and have little gag reflexes. It's pretty handy.


esophageal ulcer
pancreatitis
fatty liver
car accidents
jail
1 DUI (Amazeballs!)
2 days in jail (that ended up with my sister and brother getting me out, my family is not close, it amounted to them being so irritated at my GF and her friend calling them drunk and high and talking about what a loser drunk I was, and that maybe I could use help.)
High blood pressure
Could function a 0.35 (let alone have a conversation)

I mentioned the last binge, I was at a hotel for 3 days. I had bought camping gear, and I was going to go die in the forest. I had cause $2k on damage to some kids new truck over road rage at a car was. I had fabricated a problem, the responded to it with a keyring knife. The police showed up at my brothers house the next day. I fled because I did not want to go to jail, and the did not know I was drunk then.

I had a ****ty car, and all my gear got wet, so I got the hotel room, and spent all my money.

I suppose since I could actually GET help (that's why the forest) I got a map from the front desk to a hospital. (I found that map in my car later - I didn't recall) The point is, I went into the office, talked to 2 people, and they gave me a map so I could drive to the hospital. That's where I had a conversation, and he doubted the BAC from the lab because he was surprised I was conscious, let alone discussing problems and driving.

I was living with My brother here in OR, and I thought I was done, but I started drinking. They were not happy and had NO idea what living with a addict was like. A week or so prior, I was in the kitchen with my SIL and I said "I need to go somewhere now. I need to get help." Apparently she didn't get what I was saying, and I had been poo-pooing 12 steps. (I went to over 100 meetings at a dozen different "meetings" on probation from the DUI. I've stated my position in here already. The largest cravings I experienced happened in my car after a meetingIt was the first time I explicitly asked for help in serious manner.

I was looking at the places, doubtful, and I found the class schedule for ARC here, and there was "the neurobiology of addiction," taught by this guy that wrote this book.



That's when I realized that when you go from substance abuse to addiction, it becomes biological, not emotional. In fact, the addict hijacking USES your emotional vulnerability to push buttons that get you to "do yours." You start getting thoughts like "you should use because (any reason at all until one works.)" And one use is all it takes to be off the the races chasing dopamine until whatever happens to make you addict realize it might die and not be able to get high any more.

Getting clean is the hardest part. What I got out of rehab was.

- ****Drugs tests, and knowing that one dirty would probably get me ejected, and doing DAILY drug tests at best. I got a chance to get clear, and a reason to not have even a sip of alcohol. I can take 2 years of being clean to basically not be that addict as the way you live your life.
- An understanding of how addiction probably works - it's not the "mysterious disease" it was in 1930.
- Being in groups and not being alone
- Watching kids die - this was bigger that I expected. 3 or 4 kids that I sat in rooms with over the 6 months died from their addiction. No one really says anything "Jimmy went out again for the last time.
- A large percentage of the addict I met there were more intelligent that the average person. The stat Dr. Inaba presented was from some studies that came up with average IQ of 110.

Last edited by chapstien; 05-02-2021 at 11:26 AM.
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Old 05-07-2021, 12:36 AM   #236
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Originally Posted by chapstien View Post
My GF gets worried that I will drink from life stress. Every time she starts on that, I run the tape in my head and get actually nauseated. Sometimes, I start to salivate, and have little gag reflexes. It's pretty handy.

esophageal ulcer
pancreatitis
fatty liver
car accidents
jail
1 DUI (Amazeballs!)
2 days in jail (that ended up with my sister and brother getting me out, my family is not close, it amounted to them being so irritated at my GF and her friend calling them drunk and high and talking about what a loser drunk I was, and that maybe I could use help.)
High blood pressure
Could function a 0.35 (let alone have a conversation)
Jesus man you've been to hell and back, all the more impressive that you rose above it. When I started reading your list I thought you meant potential things that could happen, until I realized I believe you meant every single thing happened to you.

I'm finally going to in-patient rehab for about thirty days, I'll see you all on the other side. Really hoping this makes a difference, I'm definitely ready to change.
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Old 05-07-2021, 01:54 AM   #237
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Jesus man you've been to hell and back, all the more impressive that you rose above it. When I started reading your list I thought you meant potential things that could happen, until I realized I believe you meant every single thing happened to you.

I'm finally going to in-patient rehab for about thirty days, I'll see you all on the other side. Really hoping this makes a difference, I'm definitely ready to change.

I'm sure I covered all this stuff before.

I do not want to come off like the guy at AA "I"M WORSE THAN YOU EVER WERE IN MY BEST DAY!!!" I was just an addict with a ridiculous tolerance for everything. What is stave is that people commonly think I am > 10 years younger than I am.

That is a partial list. I seem to have a closet full of free passes on getting caught doing illegal things to get adrenaline and surviving car accidents, both sober and not, all my life.

I ****ing hated it. I went through withdrawals al least 10 times. I remember 4 that were medically supported, but at the end I was just "**** it, and did not care it I died. Some time I tapered off, but that is hard, and it really helps to have someone dose you on the program you want, like over 2 weeks maybe. Other times, I just crawled in bed and made sure I had enough water to not have dry heaves too much. I also remember that - screw all that ever again.


This is how I got out

1. My family - we barely know each other - saved my life with a plane ticket and a place to stay - which was a nightmare for my brother and his wife. I need to be clear about this - my sister drove 4 hours and got me, and brought me on the plane with her to Oregon. I was working on a plan to just leave the house with a backpack and a bike and $10 and see what happened. What happened it it was nearly 100 degrees in Detroit, and I could not get away from people.

2. Saw strong evidence that the current theory that some people have a broken choice mechanism, and I am one of them. My hierarchy of needs can be hijacked by anything that gives me a blast of dopamine, and it almost doesn't matter what that thing is, I'll start doing it, and it's hard to stop.
2a. I rejected the entirety of the big book and all the related propaganda, slogans, and models of what an alcoholic is like and their destiny. I reject a higher power that intervenes in my life with intent.

3. figured out that I wasn't just weak when I took 1 drink and ended up in a hospital 4 months later. No alcohol. I don't even drink kombucha, and I a uneasy eating food cooked with alcohol.

4. Realized substances don't addict people, neuro- tramsmitters do, and some substances fit in receptor, but you are addicted to TAH, not the substance.. Human bodies can start chasing them, but addicts are born, and drugs (food, sex, gambling, picking your nose, arguing with your spouse) is not a moral defect, and probably not a hum defect, it's how some people work.

5. Got clean in a way that had consequences if I slipped. I saw people booted, and I knew that at 52, this was probably my last dance. I got 100% free treatment. Like $30K of free treatment, and I wasn't willing to not embrace that gift - I gave up all my possessions and retirement money and lived on $1200 a month, and couldn't hold a job. I walked away from a house an ****ty GF. I could not go to court and was convicted of alcohol related disorderly conduct (I was sitting at a park table by myself quietly drinking.) I lost a concealed pistol license. That I got FOR FREE TAKING A CLASS AT THE OAKLAND COUNTY MI SHERRIF'S DEPT AND I WAS DRUNK IN THE CLASS AND THEY GAVE ME A S&W .45 TO SHOOT AT THE RANGE. I SHOT AN 8" group at 30 feet. I don't not understand how they did not know I had been drinking. I cold smell it. I was trembling. We told them I had be sick for a few days. I new one of the instructors from the gym and bar.

About a month later, I was looking at the stars on a sidewalk in my neighborhood, and they took me to a hospital. I got up and talked to them, and they wouldn't let me go the 2 houses home - they gave me a break and took me to a hospital.

My counselor was the one that check me in, and he later told me he had even seen someone in deeper ****, and told his workmate I was going to die.

6. I am ****ing stubborn. I found a place that made me happy - forest, mountains and not a lot of people. I live in the present. I don't not regret my past or feel guilty about wasting my life, although I do dwell on that with some sadness.

Last edited by chapstien; 05-07-2021 at 02:06 AM.
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Old 05-07-2021, 03:17 PM   #238
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Well thanks for sharing what you do, I really think it can make a difference in lessons to others.
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Old 05-07-2021, 04:53 PM   #239
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I'm not completely alcohol free but I'm moving that direction. I typically only drink in social situations now, which isn't very often. I guess I'm getting old; alcohol (and coffee) seem to give me horrible heartburn now, and I never really experienced it up until a few months ago.

I was drinking a beer every evening with my dinner for about 2 years. I think that is what ultimately did me in - maybe I altered my gut bacteria and now I get heartburn even after 1 beer. I typically have to take some OTC meds if I drink even one or two drinks now.
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Old 05-07-2021, 05:50 PM   #240
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Wraith, it takes a lot of balls to do what you are about to do, best of luck and hope you stick with it. As I frequently say it's a lot easier to stay sober than it was to get sober in the first place. Life still sucks at times but you can get through it without the drink just like many of us have. Look forward to hearing from you when you get out.
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Old 05-07-2021, 06:00 PM   #241
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I let it get away from me, was celebrating an early weekend starting off Thursday evening, next thing I know it's Monday morning and have four empty bottles of Brandy in my room. That was a month ago, been on the wagon since and don't want to go through that type of depressive crash (withdrawal from poisoning) again.

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Old 05-07-2021, 06:51 PM   #242
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Well thanks for sharing what you do, I really think it can make a difference in lessons to others.
I wanted to hate rehab so bad mate. Then, I was only going to do 30 days. Then I did the full 90 and it gave me my life back. I'm not perfect I assure you. The single greatest thing I have received is the opportunity to help others. I have purpose for the first time in my life. I'm not happy if I'm not being of service. My dad was a firefighter and my mom a teacher so maybe that's it. **** all man...I'm just proud of you.

When you get your comms back, hit us up. Speaking for myself, I'm invested in your continuing story.
Good on ya man.
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Old 05-08-2021, 08:05 PM   #243
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I let it get away from me, was celebrating an early weekend starting off Thursday evening, next thing I know it's Monday morning and have four empty bottles of Brandy in my room. That was a month ago, been on the wagon since and don't want to go through that type of depressive crash (withdrawal from poisoning)
Sorry to hear about your crash, no reason to give up again though. Hope you can keep it up and not have to put yourself through that anymore.
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Old 05-08-2021, 08:40 PM   #244
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Sorry to hear about your crash, no reason to give up again though. Hope you can keep it up and not have to put yourself through that anymore.
Thanks mate. My second Pfizer can't come fast enough and I'm jonesing for 6/15 and the lifting of restrictions. Need to get back out there to the summer ocean!



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Old 05-09-2021, 09:46 AM   #245
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As motivation for the next couple of weeks, there is evidence that alcohol impedes the mRNA process or whatever you want to call it.
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Old 05-09-2021, 10:51 AM   #246
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It's had to have hope sometimes. I hade none for a long time trying to climb out. More than a decade Quitting didn't work, court coerced AA made it worse, Smart Recovery (base cognitive behavior training was helpful, but the groups were pointless. There is a web-based support, like a forum. That was helpful, but it not like face-to-face. It's easier to lie to yourself there. I started going to psychologists, like 5, and they always just dove into emotional reasons for drinking. I was past that and in into full-on addiction.


I feel pretty comfortable now, which is astounding actually. My way to deal has always been exercise (cycling, skiing, a week the forest.) Since December I can't from the back problem that is getting better, but I have no outlet. I have some pretty bad every day. This is a LONG trip My job is one of the least satisfying jobs as a computer programmer I have ever had (working slowly on that.) My GF and are having some problems. The pandemic has successfully facilitated a deeper dive into introversion.

I could easily go get pain meds. Laying on the floor crying for 10 minutes is still not enough for me to give in. Opiates and alcohol share some receptors they tickle, and even if it a 10% chance that would hook me, it's not happening. If I think about a drink. I get pretty nauseated still.

I look back at the 5 years I tried to kill myself because of that, and I'll have breakdowns because I remember the despair clearly. It's just gone wrt alcohol.





I think that if you get sweats, or hang on to a hope of drinking in moderation when you are in trouble, you are probably addicted, and your addictive voice is screaming at you and pleading to not kill it.

Seriously, try this. Say out loud "I am Never drinking again!" then monitor yourself. Does it feel a bit like fear? Now say "I will drink again in 150 years!" Feel calm this time? That's an indication that your brain has been hijacked to need alcohol above most other things.
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Old 06-04-2021, 12:33 AM   #247
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Hi all, just returned back a couple days ago from in-patient residential rehab. 1 day detox and 21 days living there, thanks to all that wished me well before I took off. I felt lucky that I sobered up for a week before checking in, it could have been a lot more miserable being there.

Now that I am done with treatment I do feel a lot better in mind and body, 30 days sober as of today. I very may well be on the "pink cloud" for the moment but I know I need to put effort into staying sober and not be complacent.

Hearing some of the stories from my peers in rehab were pretty insane and also helped me think twice about picking up a bottle again. The lectures and videos were pretty eye opening for me, I didn't realize the breakdown of how substances not only wash out your pleasure centers in the brain but your cravings end up controlling your most basic functions your brain needs to do to stay alive. This helped me understand why people keep using in the face of the craziest risks, even death. I think Chapstien posted similar videos regarding this but at that time I wasn't in the frame of mind to be able to sit through it.

I'll be continuing with intensive outpatient rehab (three times a week for 2 months I believe) and they encourage going to AA meetings strongly. One thing I liked is that while there is the more commonly known AA, there is also NA for narcotics users and CA for former cocaine users, etc. I was told that while AA is strictly alcohol, the other branches accept anyone with any substance abuse, they don't discriminate. Being that the CA groups seem like a younger more interesting crowd, I'm going to try attending their meetings. It is nice to see how supportive the members of these groups are in genuinely wanting to help you and support you in sobriety. It's also a great place to go talk to people that won't judge and understand what you are going through.

Regarding the praying to god or your higher power from the AA book, I'll be the first to tell you I have zero interest in ever "praying to god". What helped me come around is that I consider it aspiring to a higher version of myself and where I want to be. All in all, I feel like the in-patient did me well and gave me a better chance at success than my prior failed attempts on my own to quit.
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Old 06-04-2021, 05:57 PM   #248
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Congratulations on getting 30 days! Happy you followed through. As a note, not all of AA is what rehabs claim it to be, and at least the groups I am familiar with are more open to everyone as long as they don't completely stay off the alcohol topic. I still have a few nights where I am on a zoom meeting as not all groups are back live yet if you want the info shoot me a message, group is very beginner friendly and typically a lot of laughs.
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Old 04-14-2022, 04:23 PM   #249
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10 days sober. I don't hate it, but I don't like it either.

Background:
My life didn't feel like it was a wreck, far from it. A routine dentist appt blood pressure reading was higher than I wanted it to be. I've always thought it worthwhile to drink less, but never enough to actually stop.

I've drank daily for somewhere between 8-10 years. 2-3 double whiskys and ginger ales a day, maybe more if I was off work or it was a weekend. I might skip a day every couple months if a schedule really didn't allow for a drink. I've tried to stop a few times, but got bored or irritated with sobriety.

My tolerance felt way higher than what someone should be comfortable with. I could reliably take care of family and work, and was no longer hung over. I know my wife felt loved, and work never really knew there was any large consumption trends as I was never actually drunk or drinking during business hours. There was never any catalyst or wake up call beyond "eh blood pressure looks a little high." I would always respond "Yeah, yeah, I know why, it's diet and exercise," The same way you agree that you should floss more.

I had general health signs it was too much. Tired, heartburn, lack of motivation, difficulty sleeping through the night, asthma. But again, never anything that would cause anyone around me to organize an intervention.

I've known I need to reduce intake for a number of years, but usually gave in/ looked for an excuse to end up a grocery store next to a liquor store. "We need a fresh vegetable side can you get that? Yeah no problem!" I'm somewhat happy to say I've so far kept that temptation to a minimum, though it's been present. I don't know how long I'll ultimately go, but I think it's not yet time to maybe have one. Not that I know a single yuengling can will ruin my life, but I just want to be clean a little longer.

My family has anger management history, and for the most part drinking helped me breeze past that. I mentioned being sober made me irritable. Smaller things would bug me and I would focus on it, unable to move past. It wasn't like everything pissed me off, the same stuff got to me as while drinking, just every time I tried no drinking I couldn't let stuff go. Situations would escalate and ruin an evening. It almost felt like having a drink was doing everyone else a favor. "Dad just needs to chill out a little." Ok, I'm chill. Who wants to go play outside?

As an accounting-type person, I can be super black and white about stuff, leaning toward being critical of mistakes, misses, and failure/refusal to follow a generally accepted rule or piece of info. "Well this is wrong. It shouldn't be like that. You shouldn't have done that. The answer is easy and my overall opinion of you and your abilities is going down."

If it's a recurring issue that I've voiced my opinion on multiple times, I go from 0-100 pretty quickly. On the one hand, how many times should I have to go through the energy of saying that thing makes me unhappy and we should not do that thing? On the other hand, HOW MANY TIMES SHOULD I HAVE TO GO THROUGH THE ENERGY OF SAYING THAT THING MAKES ME UNHAPPY AND WE SHOULDN'T DO THAT ******* THING!? ****! WHY THE **** ISN'T THIS MEANINGFUL TO ANYONE? WHY WHEN I SHARE SOMETHING, DOES NO ONE ACTUALLY CARE ENOUGH ABOUT ME TO ACTUALLY DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT?!?!?!?!?

After a few drinks it's more: "Don't feed the dog at the table."

My wife has given me a little more grace this time. There's still stuff that irritates me, but honestly I'm starting to become emotionally flat and I know I'll eventually go to sleep that night.

On the health side, I'm frustrated to say there's almost zero change. Any improvement in blood pressure is undone by something feeding the dog at the table. I'm still tired, have zero additional energy and initiative. I've lost zero weight (REALLY!? AFTER THAT MUCH SUGAR!?). My metabolism did the mid 30's thing and did slow down though I've never been fat. I've grown a tummy pudge, but I'm not surprised considering the no structured exercise that I do. This maintaining weight feels like I was deceived. It should be falling off lol.

On the ultimate energy front, we've got a 3yo and 7 week old, which I know is zapping both wife and me. It's easy to look at having zero joy in life as "well that's what happens when you have a new child. Everything kinda stops and for a while you do what's needed for the infant. It'll get back to normal." I know there's a ton in life right now that isn't fun. But I know it'll come back once infant starts getting closer to toddler.

Drinking was such a huge part of my life that I no longer look forward to a lot of tasks normally accompanied by a drink. Hanging with neighbors, playing outside with kids, grilling, cooking food, tinkering in the garage, tinkering inside, and just generally hanging out with my wife. All good things and I haven't stopped any of it, they just don't get me super excited. It's just flat. And it sucks because none of those things were ruined by alcohol such that someone had to organize an intervention. Just my blood pressure. Obviously you can't do as much of those things if you have too much blood pressure, and then you can't do any of it when you have no blood pressure.

So I'm 10 days sober and not looking forward to a 3 day weekend. Probably grilling, meals with extended family, normal "it's the weekend let's have a good time" stuff. Except I won't be having a good time, I'll be flat with RBF the whole time. Unenergized an failing to get excited and bubbly for the people around me.

Then I won a bottle of wine at a company event. yippee. skippee.
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Old 04-14-2022, 04:23 PM   #250
differentguy
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Perfect time for a double post, nasioc

Last edited by differentguy; 04-14-2022 at 04:28 PM.
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