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Old 02-01-2021, 12:59 PM   #51
DoinkMobb
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Quote:
Originally Posted by 07Wagon View Post
So are we just giving up on whatever stupid thing she did that cost money?
Bird store.

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Originally Posted by Ripper View Post
I'm confused. Is this just an open letter about how much you detest your wife and your marriage?
Detest? No. It's some venting and horror stories for the amusement of OT. Laugh at my pain. But I'm not some shell of a man living in misery. My wife is 41, but people think she's in her late 20's; she raps along to ODB and drinks Old Rasputin; she's bubbly and cute and everybody likes her.

A lot of female friends around our age are starting to enter their midlife crisis and are absolutely losing their MINDS. They're crabby, easily offendable, deeply entrenched in their martyrdom of being a women/mother, and just generally insane. I mean like making my wife seem sane. Like I'm so glad I'm married to my wife and not my friend's wives. Those wives are freaking out and driving to Alabama to escape from their lives or having to receive inhaled ketamine to treat their chronic depression; we just go hiking and drink beer together so...yeah.

We've all done stupid crap, this is a one sided (yet entirely true) version of the events. Maybe I'm telling these stories in a way that is painting a bleak pained existence for myself, but really, it's not like that.
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Old 02-01-2021, 01:23 PM   #52
GrundleJuice
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She bought/opened a bird store?
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Old 02-01-2021, 01:40 PM   #53
vapore0n
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i know right?
Dude comes in, says wife did something something bird store, and then just drops the mic. No story whatsoever.

wth man!?



its monday, give us something
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Old 02-01-2021, 03:31 PM   #54
DoinkMobb
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Originally Posted by GrundleJuice View Post
She bought/opened a bird store?
She took over a bird store. Took over a struggling bird store.

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Originally Posted by vapore0n View Post
i know right?
Dude comes in, says wife did something something bird store, and then just drops the mic. No story whatsoever.

wth man!?



its monday, give us something
I'll give you the whole story, I promise. I'm a little busy at work, but I'll type out a word fort later.
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Old 02-01-2021, 03:56 PM   #55
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Hey look, a business I know nothing about! And it's doing poorly! I should buy this!
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Old 02-01-2021, 06:40 PM   #56
DoinkMobb
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Ugh. This one is going to hurt, because I let the stupidity happen during a very bad time: 2008.

A little bit of a backstory - we got a decent settlement from our sinkhole lawsuit at the end of 2007. We put some money down on a house, put some aside to do major renovations on said house and still had a lot leftover for whatever. We didn't go into debt with these shenanigans but we did instantly waste $10K.

***I HAVE NO ****ING IDEA WHY I LET THESE THINGS HAPPEN***

I got laid off in March 2008. I wasn't too worried about it, because I was getting some hits on my resume and we were sitting on a pile of cash. I don't know the exact timelime, but our friend from college, Jen, found this struggling bird store in Tampa and expressed some interest in taking it over. This was in April I believe. I don't remember the details of how or why we got involved, but we got involved. Jen's uncle "looked at the books" and thought they were profitable or could be profitable without much trouble. The owner's were willing to sell the business for $20K - Jen's uncle kicked in her $10K, and we had all this cash sitting around so of course I said "NO, this is a stupid idea".

Wait, what the hell was my wife doing for work at this time? She must've still been at the zoo, where she worked in the BIRD DEPARTMENT. Yeah, and I think she left the zoo to work full time at the bird store.

I am very risk averse by nature. I never take chances with my money. My wife, somehow, broke me down into agreeing to this bull****. I don't know how this happened. Maybe because Jen was involved and she seemed way more level-headed than my wife? Maybe. (typing this out is painful, just so you know).

So we cut a check for $10K to the owners and started the process of losing a bunch of money running a bird store. Honestly, it was a little exciting at first. "Hey, maybe we can make this work!" Since I didn't have a god damn job, I was able to help out with a bunch of stuff at the store.

I think I blocked much of this out, but we quickly realized the business was dead. I don't remember when exactly we came to this conclusion, but fortunately, we jumped ship very quickly. And there was some half-assed attempt at a lawsuit against the previous owners that went nowhere (another $2K gone!). This **** is all a blur where I'm seething with rage, at myself and my wife and Jen.

Now it's May or June, I'm still unemployed and getting very worried. My wife is working at Bennigan's as the sole bread winner and...this is the best part: the bird store moved to my house! Mother****ers, I **** you not, we loaded up everything in a U-haul, everything, birds, cages, bird food, bird toys, the cash register, tables, anything that wasn't strapped down and moved it to our new house. We told Jen, "**** you, we lost $10K, all this **** is ours" and she didn't fight us. I think we let her keep a bird or two. We never spoke to her again after this.

Jesus H. Christ. Picture this. I have maybe 20 cages of ****ing birds on my lanai. Doves, love birds, parakeets, cockatiels, some other crap probably. Nothing huge like cockatoos. Since I'm unemployed, I'm now a full time bird caretaker. Super ****ing amazing. Oh and I'm a fulltime peddler of birds and bird supplies on craigslist. This is an absolute nightmare. And we also now have German cockroaches. Also, my two car garage is packed with bird cages.

Over the course of maybe 3-4 weeks, we liquidate everything, recouping a couple thousand I think. Possibly $4K max. We had a very creepy lady who looked like a wrecked ex-stripper and her much, much younger boyfriend buy 90% of the stupid birds at once. Were they going to kill and eat them? Don't know, don't care.

It was over.

I finally got some other job in July, my wife started working at a plasma center and I think this scared her enough to think about getting a real job, so she started blood banking school shortly after this debacle.
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Old 02-01-2021, 06:46 PM   #57
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Old 02-01-2021, 07:16 PM   #58
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Quote:
Originally Posted by DoinkMobb View Post
Bird store.



Detest? No. It's some venting and horror stories for the amusement of OT. Laugh at my pain. But I'm not some shell of a man living in misery. My wife is 41, but people think she's in her late 20's; she raps along to ODB and drinks Old Rasputin; she's bubbly and cute and everybody likes her.

A lot of female friends around our age are starting to enter their midlife crisis and are absolutely losing their MINDS. They're crabby, easily offendable, deeply entrenched in their martyrdom of being a women/mother, and just generally insane. I mean like making my wife seem sane. Like I'm so glad I'm married to my wife and not my friend's wives. Those wives are freaking out and driving to Alabama to escape from their lives or having to receive inhaled ketamine to treat their chronic depression; we just go hiking and drink beer together so...yeah.

We've all done stupid crap, this is a one sided (yet entirely true) version of the events. Maybe I'm telling these stories in a way that is painting a bleak pained existence for myself, but really, it's not like that.
My takeaway from your stories is that she is bat crap crazy in a way you find endearing. And as long as you're willing to put up with it, I'll enjoy the stories.

I'm pretty sure she could tell us a few Mr. Doink stories as well.
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Old 02-01-2021, 08:08 PM   #59
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I think in this day and age if you searched hard enough for...
"Should I buy and or invest $10k into a bird store? My husband thinks..." you'd likely find the end of a string of questions started by Mrs. Doink.
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Old 02-01-2021, 09:32 PM   #60
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Originally Posted by tcs007 View Post
My takeaway from your stories is that she is bat crap crazy in a way you find endearing. And as long as you're willing to put up with it, I'll enjoy the stories.

I'm pretty sure she could tell us a few Mr. Doink stories as well.
In my imagination this is all true and her family has money and helps out to minimize the grief.
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Old 02-01-2021, 10:48 PM   #61
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Originally Posted by tcs007 View Post
My takeaway from your stories is that she is bat crap crazy in a way you find endearing. And as long as you're willing to put up with it, I'll enjoy the stories.

I'm pretty sure she could tell us a few Mr. Doink stories as well.
Everyone has quirks. Some more than others

A big key to a long happy relationship is to find someone that has quirks you can live with. Oh, and they have to be able to live with yours too
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Old 02-01-2021, 11:00 PM   #62
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I'm wondering what her employment history looks like. Working at a zoo to plasma center?

She sounds like a hoot at gatherings though
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Old 02-02-2021, 06:19 AM   #63
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Originally Posted by subaru3169 View Post
I'm wondering what her employment history looks like. Working at a zoo to plasma center?

She sounds like a hoot at gatherings though
"Why does she always have a story to top ours about every single subject?"
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Old 02-02-2021, 07:28 AM   #64
mhoward1
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I am pretty sure all of her stories begin with "you won't believe what Doink enabled me to do"
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Old 02-02-2021, 07:36 AM   #65
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Mrs DM: "Honey, tell them about the time I <poor decision resulting in financial hardships>"

DM:
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Old 02-02-2021, 08:14 AM   #66
vapore0n
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Bird story

Worth the wait

Dear Doink. Please continue to write back to us with your amazing stories of the crazy wife.
Thank.

PS. Hang tough. Seems like you like your wife. It just seems that she just juggles her boobs in order to get away with stuff.
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Old 02-02-2021, 01:19 PM   #67
differentguy
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Any local Gville specific stories? Something to make me chuckle as I drive past xyz store/intersection.
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Old 02-02-2021, 05:23 PM   #68
DoinkMobb
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Quote:
Originally Posted by PaPa-G View Post
Yeah? You like that?

Quote:
Originally Posted by richde View Post
In my imagination this is all true and her family has money and helps out to minimize the grief.
404 money not found.

Quote:
Originally Posted by subaru3169 View Post
I'm wondering what her employment history looks like. Working at a zoo to plasma center?

She sounds like a hoot at gatherings though
I think we counted something like 31 jobs by age 34 or something crazy. She's calmed down a little.

Other jerbs she's had:
fly catcher
fish farm scientician
whatever you call the person that calls shrimp boat captains and inquires about their catch (no, seriously)
vet tech
kennel attendant
many waitressing jobs
...and about 25 more things

Quote:
Originally Posted by vapore0n View Post
Bird story

Worth the wait

Dear Doink. Please continue to write back to us with your amazing stories of the crazy wife.
Thank.

PS. Hang tough. Seems like you like your wife. It just seems that she just juggles her boobs in order to get away with stuff.
Her particular brand of autism is very entertaining. I also beat her a lot and she never goes to the cops, so we have an understanding.
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Old 02-02-2021, 06:03 PM   #69
orndog
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It's sad that I can't tell if "fly catcher" is serious.
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Old 02-02-2021, 06:13 PM   #70
tcs007
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Originally Posted by DoinkMobb View Post



Her particular brand of autism is very entertaining. I also beat her a lot and she never goes to the cops, so we have an understanding.
NOW I get it. You two share a morbid sense of humor.
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Old 02-02-2021, 06:18 PM   #71
oct1285
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Originally Posted by DoinkMobb View Post
so she started blood banking school shortly after this debacle.
So you're telling me she's a blood banker now? A job that requires technical knowledge of complex processes?
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Old 02-02-2021, 06:31 PM   #72
Retsyn
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Originally Posted by DoinkMobb View Post
Yeah? You like that?



404 money not found.



I think we counted something like 31 jobs by age 34 or something crazy. She's calmed down a little.

Other jerbs she's had:
fly catcher
fish farm scientician
whatever you call the person that calls shrimp boat captains and inquires about their catch (no, seriously)
vet tech
kennel attendant
many waitressing jobs
...and about 25 more things



Her particular brand of autism is very entertaining. I also beat her a lot and she never goes to the cops, so we have an understanding.
Is she super smart but bored easily or just derpy? My mom was super smart and useless. It can be hard to differentiate sometimes.
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Old 02-02-2021, 06:49 PM   #73
DoinkMobb
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Originally Posted by orndog View Post
It's sad that I can't tell if "fly catcher" is serious.
She would drive around the area and set up fly traps and then check the fly traps for female flies of a certain species. This job lasted about 23 days.

Quote:
Originally Posted by oct1285 View Post
So you're telling me she's a blood banker now? A job that requires technical knowledge of complex processes?
Yup. And she's really good at it. I'm telling you, it's the auts or something.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Retsyn View Post
Is she super smart but bored easily or just derpy? My mom was super smart and useless. It can be hard to differentiate sometimes.
Not super smart, just really really hates working. She tries her hardest to escape from whatever her current job is, ends up at some other job and the cycle continues. And absolutely zero common sense. I tell her that if I wasn't around, she'd be dead in a week.
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Old 02-02-2021, 07:38 PM   #74
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Two pages and no TITTYWOP?
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Old 02-02-2021, 07:49 PM   #75
car_cursed
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Two pages and no TITTYWOP?
We’ve all seen spider tits...Wait why am I arguing against this?
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